Old School Movie Ratings

I've been meaning to watch 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' for absolutely ages. It's been years, and this cold November evening seemed like the perfect opportunity to revisit THE action adventure film of my youth. But wait, kids are allowed to watch this movie? Check out this list of stuff that happens and then tell me how this film is rated P-freaking-G.

1. A rotting dead guy on some spikes

2. Alfred Molina dead on some spikes

3. South American guy dead with loads of peashooter arrows in his back

4. Indy shoots guy on fire IN THE FOREHEAD (blood everywhere)

5. Indy shoots Arab swordsman in broad daylight

6. Nazi Colonel's face shrivels like a raisin with blood pouring for every orifice.

7. Indy runs over blonde Nazi in big truck.

8. Belloq's head EXPLODES during the opening of the ark.

9. Toht's Nazi face melts and all his skin comes off and there's blood everywhere.

10. Big Nazi guy gets churned up by airplane propellor blades and blood goes everywhere.

I feel like I could go on! In this day and age, I would expect 'Raiders' to warrant at least a 12A. If someone can explain how 'The Matrix' is a 15, and 'Raiders' a PG, I've love to hear it.

This is not to say that I didn't enjoy 'Raiders'. Of course I did. Faces melted and heads exploded. It just left me wondering just how film classification has evolved in the last 30 years. What other films were incorrectly classified simply because of the era in which they were made? I've managed to rustle up a few examples, but I'd welcome any more suggestions anyone might have. So...

1. 'Hostel 2' and 'Once'. One involved slashing penises and blood showers. The other was about two Irish musicians falling in love. Yet, in America, both received an R-rating meaning that if you were under 17, a parent or guardian was required to accompany you. Go figure.

2. 'The King's Speech' receiving an R-rating in the States. Are you seriously telling me that kids under the age of 17 shouldn't be watching this charming, period drama just because it has a teeny tiny amount of swearing in a purely therapeutic context? Come off it.

3. 'Watership Down'. That whole movie should have been at least a 15. Apparently the BBFC still receive complaints about it's U-rating to this day.

4. Whilst researching questionable movie ratings, I just discovered that 'Jaws' is a PG. SAY WHAT?

5. 'The Witches'. Anyone who remembers the film adaptation of this Roald Dahl classic knows exactly what I'm talking about. When the witches all take their wigs off? Remember? Absolutely bloody terrifying. Nevertheless, rated U!

6. 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'. Say what you want about this Disney classic. The child catcher was a massive paedo and that film would get slapped with an 18-rating if it were released today. And to think people are calling for films with smoking to be reclassified. Pfft.

7. 'Poltergeist'. Strangely enough, this was a 15 in the UK and a PG in the states. That's right. A PG. Not only is it scary as balls but a man RIPS HIS OWN FACE OFF.

It's hardly surprising then that Steven Spielberg is in fact partly responsible for the existence of the PG-13 rating in the States. So many of his films pushed the boundaries of what was acceptable in a PG that a good few of them (including 'Temple of Doom') were reclassified once the PG-13 rating was introduced as the median between PG and R. This was as a direct result of Spielberg lobbying Jack Valenti and the Motion Picture Association of America to push the rating through so that the Temple of Dooms of this world could exist without parental scrutiny. As far as I know though, 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' remains but a PG. Shocking.

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Britain can still pack a punch, even if the director is Danish.

If you were to read my first blog, you would read that I rate Peter Sarsgaard very highly. The Kiefer Sutherland lookalike has been one of my favourite character actors since 'Boys Don't Cry', and I even forgave him for 'Orphan' which although there is no official list, was one of the five worst films of 2009. Not just in my opinion, but in most people's. Strange to think that the two leads would go on to receive masses of critical acclaim for further performances in 2009. Vera Farmiga will most likely receive an Oscar nomination for her role in 'Up in the Air', while Sarsgaard achieved rave reviews for his role in a lovely little Nick Hornby-penned picture called 'An Education'.

And it is a lovely little picture, not only of Britain on the cusp of the 'swinging sixties' but of teenage naivety in its very purest form. Lone Scherfig's first film in English in seven years, 'An Education' is the story of Jenny (Carey Mulligan), a sixteen year-old A-level student with her sights set on Oxford (or rather, her father's sights) until she meets mysterious playboy David (Sarsgaard) and discovers a plentiful world outside the exam hall.

What is instantly striking about this film is the almost overwhelming amount of near perfect performances. Carey Mulligan is a beautiful revelation as our lead, but the strong support from Sarsgaard, Alfred Molina, Olivia Williams, Rosamund Pike, Dominic Cooper, Cara Seymour and the always enchanting Emma Thompson really make 'An Education' feel like an iconic British film that will stand the test of time. Even more impressively, Mulligan stands her ground against a who's who of British talent and provides the audience with a character that will more than likely earn her a Best Actress nomination come February. On top of that, I think she'll win!

The character of Jenny is as progressive as the film's themes, almost evolutionary. When we meet her she is a few Latin tutorials away from Oxford, head buried in textbooks although it is evident from the get go that hidden behind her well-disciplined, intellectual front is a penchant for the arts, namely French culture. She is practically forbidden this outlet, until a chance meeting with the suave and sophisticated David changes everything. It is only once David is part of her life that we are able to realise that beneath her mature-beyond-her-years, cultured and ambitious exterior, Jenny is as naive and as vulnerable as any sixteen year-old girl. Easily frustrated and quick to rebel, even quicker to consider trading an Oxford future for her first love, Jenny's sparks of maturity are quickly quashed by David's staggering immaturity and reckless abandon. While their feelings for each other are no doubt genuine, his influence was always going to be innocently negative, and I found myself praying at the halfway mark that he didn't hurt her as it became increasingly evident that his relentless charm would have to at some point wear thin. As his charm increases in monetary value, so does her naivety to the point where she overlooks the fact that he is essentially a thief. From that moment on, it is only a matter of time before Jenny reaches into the glovebox for a French cigarette only to find an empty box.

Watching this relationship develop from a modern perspective is difficult, as the more they fall for each other, the more you can't help but feel that whatever he is hiding is going to crush her. Nowadays, the amount of thirty-somethings chasing impressionable students is hardly suprising, with MySpace and Facebook paving the way for textual grooming. To fully understand this particular relationship however, you have to identify with the era. The period in which the film is set makes it all the more feasable. For example, Jack (Jenny's father played by the often overlooked but always endearing Alfred Molina) is quick to accept David into his daughter's life regardless of his age and Jewish background. Why? Because he has something to offer her. Traditional values (apparently) coupled with obvious financial stability. In short, all a father could ever want for his daughter. How quickly his attitude towards her education changes as soon as the prospect of financial relief reveals itself.

Jenny puts it best when she questions why she has been encouraged to push for an Oxford education when she could have been selling herself in nightclubs, if all her father cared about was fiscal stability in later life. Lest we forget that 'An Education' is set in a time where women were not particularly empowered and were often simply passed from father to husband without much concern for personal development. A prime example of this is Rosamund Pike's Helena, a character you can't help but feel Jenny would grow to resemble should she continue along the path that involves borrowing her clothes.

In 2009, there wasn't a better written film (I'm of course referring to Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner's 'Up in the Air' as a 2010 release) in terms of an identification with its time and with its characters. A true coming of age picture though set in the sixties, this should clear up at the BAFTAs and make a strong statement as a Best Picture contender in March. It will lose out on a screenplay gong to 'Up in the Air' for sure, but will launch Nick Hornby's career as an internationally recognised screenwriter. Anyway, awards don't make a film any better when it's already making straight As in a class of its own.

'Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time' Trailer!

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

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This looks very, very awesome. Jake Gyllenhaal's British accent doesn't sound that bad either! Looking forward to this one. Enjoy.