Seeing as New Moon-ania is sweeping the planet this week, I thought I'd go ahead and pitch in my five cents worth now rather than later. I'll be honest, I did want to see this film as I quite liked the first one. I thought 'Twilight' was well-directed, and it's message to a younger generation approaching 'that relationship age' was nothing short of respectable. While a large percentage of viewers will have been watching for reasons I don't need to go into, they will have found it hard to avoid the story itself which in the form of a novel has sold over 17 million copies to date. The strength of the relationships formed is something rarely found in modern storytelling, and I found myself identifying with the main characters instantly.'New Moon' follows on where 'Twilight' left off, apparently. You wouldn't have guessed it from the opening few minutes. How long after the conclusion of 'Twilight' this takes place is never made clear. It is Bella's 18th birthday, yes, but what has taken place in the weeks/months leading up to this point is not known. You assume Bella and Edward have been playing Happy Couples, but for all we know they could have been fighting every day over petty, vampire-related stuff. The first film had made me genuinely interested in the bond between the two leads. Not knowing the status of their relationship, it's length, it's strength, when watching the first 20 minutes of 'New Moon' unfold, as a non-reader of the books is completely frustrating as I knew that early in the film Edward would leave Bella. I needed to know why, and what built up to Edward giving up on (and I quote directly) 'the only thing that makes me want to stay alive', or some such poorly delivered tosh. Alas, I am lead to understand that an isolated event involving Bella's 18th birthday party and fellow Cullen, Jasper, was the cause of Edward's over-dramatic angst. And that Bella is a total head case.
We all know those girls. The girls that will emotionally drain the blood (pun) from every situation they finds themselves in. The girls who selfishly abandon their social lives, negatively affecting everyone around them as if their high school heartbreak is the only thing wrong with the world. Girls who would be lucky to have a friend like Jacob Black, if only to throw all a boy's good intentions back in their face in favour of someone who is a) not right for them at all, and b) tells them that they love them (on their birthday), promises not to ever leave them and then prompty (you guessed it) leaves them. Woe is Bella as she sits by a window for three months, screaming bloody murder in her sleep. In the words of Vince Vaughn, 'Come on!'
I couldn't care less about Bella. She is the definition of naive, but then, look at the Twilight Saga's target audience (burn!). The way she arrogantly meanders around playing with guys' minds, lapping up their good graces and then acting ultimately out of naivety rather than rationalism is almost unrealistic in a film about vampires and werewolves. The remaining two leads however, are marginally more interesting, and end up feeling less like sex-symbols and more like stacked, exaggerated personalities of a post-modern, adolescent male.
Pattinson is okay as the controlling Edward, who has more sap than a Birch tree coursing through his veins, his pale-white veins. 17-year old Taylor Lautner provides the stronger performance as werewolf, native-american nice guy, Jacob in this second installment, but then, who are we kidding? We all know it's really Academy Award-winner Matt Damon wearing a crap ton of fake tan. Nice try with the pseudonym, Damon! Seriously, Lautner is the closest thing to genuine over all 131 minutes of 'New Moon'. Although it's hard to see past the worst screenplay of the year, I'm pretty sure that Lautner's character is the one to side with (Go Team Jacob!) and he will quick become the new R-Patz with the Twihards. Let's face it, he cut his hair and grew muscles while the beloved Edward settles for some slow-mo, hairy nips style screen time. Good luck in Harry Potter 7!
Wait, there's more. Michael Sheen and Dakota Fanning are in this picture! I know! BAFTA-nominated star of 'The Queen', 'Frost/Nixon' and this year's 'The Damned United', Michael Sheen, who comes over as some sort of coked-up, bloodthirsty sex pervert in all of his scenes. Can he not act when he's not playing a figure of history? I was going to throw him in the mix as an Oscar/BAFTA tip after I saw 'The Damned United', but you can be damned sure that isn't happening now. You know those football players who are regarded as great but then on the odd week will have an 'absolute shocker'? Translate that into acting terms and that's Michael Sheen for you in 'New Moon'.
Dakota Fanning on the other hand was a nice treat. She's been off screen a bit lately, and after a promising start culminating in 'The Secret Life of Bees' and 'Coraline', she released DVD-fodder 'Push' and bombs again with 'New Moon' (with the critics, not at the box-office). Her performance is the best in the film, don't get me wrong. I just find myself wondering why such a talent is force-fed a tiny role in a critically poor film. Then I remember that for all she's accomplished, she's still only a 15-year old girl, and she probably loves the books as much as the thousands of maniacal, squeaky tweens that shuffled in and out of my cinema over the last week or so. Fair play, Dakota. Do what makes you happy.
My next beef is a beef I know has upset even the Twihardiest of Twihards. What's with the contact lenses? Hell, Michael Sheen looks like freaking Darth Maul, and the Cullens have returned with a distinctively more French-mustard tinge to them. Why? I'm sure it has something to do with marketing opportunities somewhere down the line (Halloween 2010, anyone?). I just found the unexplained and drastic change from the first film another niggly frustration as the the sequel wore on.
And boy, does it wear on. For a film aimed at 10-20 year old girls, this one sure is lengthy. Anyone who goes to the cinema on a regular basis knows that keeping the attention of girls in that age range is a near impossible task, and I challenge any girl who elects to see 'New Moon' multiple times to come forward and honestly admit there weren't points where they were either bored out of their Edward-loving minds or hanging their heads at the ever cringeworthy one liners ('I just can't imagine living in a world where you don't exist,' or 'I don't think I know how to live without you.' Take your pick. If a guy said that to you, you would laugh in his face).
Some of the werewolf bits were cool, but then Jacob was at least an alphamale which is more than we can say for Mr. Cullen. The birthday party scene was well shot, and the fight scenes in Italy looked pretty decent. Basically, all the selling points in the trailers looked good on the big screen. Regardless of that, the script was so excrable that it makes me fearful of how distressfully tween the book must be.
In closing, I would like to share someone else's view of how the message in the second chapter of 'The Twilight Saga' differs from the 'save yourself for true love' message of the first.
"All this movie does is makes teenage girls think that abusive relationships with older men are normal, healthy, and 'romantic.' The man is literally a parasite. He drinks blood for heaven's sake! Like a big, glittery mosquito."
Silence speaks volumes. How long until 'Where The Wild Things Are'?
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